Understanding our Feelings of Anger
Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion; however, all of our feelings are valid clues to helping us understand our patterns as well as which of our underlying needs are not being met. Feelings of anger typically develop as an emotional response to a stimulus that has triggered our brains to perceive that something may be wrong.
Anger can be understood as (a) a response to disempowerment, (b) a sign our boundaries have been ignored or violated, (c) a response to unfair or invalidated treatment, (d) a sign of built-up resentment or unresolved emotions, (e) a natural part of the grieving process, (f) a sign that you may feel attacked, deceived or threatened in some way, (g) a symptom of hypervigilance and trauma, or (h) a way of protesting that we cannot control the reality around us.
Understanding the neurobiology of anger can be helpful in learning about these strong emotions. When you feel angry, your brain’s hard-wired threat response has likely been triggered by something that you perceive to be threatening in some capacity (whether consciously or unconsciously). When this happens, all physiological responses are activated in your body, preparing you for “fight, flight or freeze” mode. This prompts our brain to instantly lose contact with your “rational prefrontal cortex” and instead, the “emotional amygdala” hijacks your brain.
The question is, how do we get our rational brain (prefrontal cortex) back in the driver’s seat? This is where mindfulness can help. Mindfulness is paying attention with kindness and curiosity. It supports the growth of our brain connections, particularly those which connect the rational and emotional parts of the brain, to work together.
Taking time to understand and approach our feelings with compassion and curiosity can help us to identify what our underlying unmet needs might be. Using the analogy of an ‘anger iceberg’, what are the true emotions that may be trapped beneath the surface, masked by our anger? Might it be disappointment, overwhelm, loneliness, insecurity, grief, frustration, sadness, helplessness, embarrassment, pain, shame, contempt, exhaustion, etc.?
With this understanding, we can begin the untangling process of our emotionally reactive patterns, as well as develop coping strategies or tools to relate to and respond from, which support a healthier and happier life for ourselves and those around us.
If you or someone you know would like to explore the ways that Growth & Wellness Therapy Centre can help you on your journey, please contact our intake and administration team to set up a free consultation with one or more of our clinicians.
About the Author
Amanda Maitland, is both an administrative and intake assistant here at The Growth and Wellness Therapy Centre, as well as currently pursuing her Masters in Counselling Psychology at Yorkville.