How To Support Your Child on the Autism Spectrum

Having grown up with two brothers on the spectrum, autism has always been an important area of focus for me. From walking alongside my parents and facilitating a support group for families of children on the autism spectrum, I know that parenting a child on the spectrum can sometimes feel like an isolating experience, especially at the beginning when you are just beginning to learn about the world of autism. Here are four helpful pieces to remember along your autism parenting journey:

Often, intangible concepts that are intuitive to neurotypical people are hard to understand for folks on the spectrum and need to be explained differently.

Many of the concepts that are essential in order to get through our days are not concrete. For example, let us consider the concept of consequence - a concept you cannot touch, hold, see or feel. Because of its intangible nature, concepts like consequence can be hard to imagine, so it is important to be patient and creative when teaching these types of abstract concepts to your child on the spectrum. Other examples of intangible concepts are responsibility and integrity.

Adopting a strength-based parenting approach is key. 

You have probably heard that folks with autism often have a special interest or strength, and many children on the spectrum have more than one special interest or strength. Emphasizing and encouraging these strengths through providing your child with more opportunities to explore and develop them can help them to foster feelings of confidence and joy while also helping them to identify what they are passionate about in life. In turn, this can help you, as their parent, to focus and support their career trajectory down the road.

Accommodating your child does not mean that you are spoiling them.

I will say it again: accommodating is not spoiling. This piece comes down to the principle of equality versus equity. Equality says that if an able-bodied person is not provided with a wheelchair, then a person with paralysis should not be provided with a wheelchair either. Equity says that, in order to move from point A to point B, an able-bodied person and a person with paralysis have different needs; the disadvantaged person deserves to have be accommodated with a wheelchair, and the privileged person does not need to be accommodated with a wheelchair in order for them to complete the same task. Following this line of thought, providing your child with accommodations (e.g., allowing them to use a computer instead of requiring them to write things out by hand) levels the playing field for them. It does not give them an unfair advantage - it simply makes it possible for them to live their life as comfortably and easily as their neurotypical peers do without accommodations - and they deserve to have that. 

Meltdowns are not just temper tantrums.

When children on the spectrum have a meltdown, more often than not, they are not just being a brat. No child wants to disappoint their parents or their teachers. Outbursts and misbehaviours from children on the spectrum are often triggered by an inability to cope with the world around them. Understanding the motivation behind your child’s behaviour can help you to accept them and support them in a way that is positive and focused on meeting their needs rather than resorting to punitive measures.

I acknowledge that many folks on the spectrum prefer to use identity-first language (i.e., autistic person), while many others prefer person-first language (i.e., person with autism). My choice of words in this post do not signal a bias toward either preference, and I want to stress that both preferences are equally as valid.

About the Author

Maria Pettigrew is one of our most recent MSW Interns at Growth & Wellness therapy centre, focused on child, individual and group therapy.